Following His lead

The longest journey in the world is from the head to the heart.

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Well the 3 month lecture of my FCM school has come to an end already. 

If my DTS was all about knowing God, FCM (Foundations in Counselling Ministry) is all about knowing yourself. And we all won't like what we see under the hood. 

FCM used to be called IBC (Introduction to Biblical Councelling) but everyone at YWAM knows it stands for "I've Been Crying"  
My three months was a very painful journey, and also I don't think I've ever quarreled with my wife more than I have been in FCM. (in a good way :-))
I'd say this is analogous to heart surgery. We go through so much agony to get better, but in the end, we come out alive. and have a totally new perspective on life, family, and God. 

I apologize to my friends and family who occasionally checked out my blog, and kept seeing an outdated picture of my family at the Ironman World Championship. 
But now that the lecture phase is over, (and all-nighter assignments are over too! yeah!) I can finally take a breather and share what I've learned from FCM. 

More details to come, but in a nutshell, here's the meat of what I've learned. 

They say that the longest journey in the world is from the head to the heart.
There is a fundamental difference between knowing about God and knowing God as a father.
Bruce Thompson, our last speaker at our school, founded the Counselling School at the University of Nations. 
Our last week of teaching was about "The Father Heart of God"

Bruce said this about a theologian, that he was teaching many years ago. The theologian knew so much about the Bible, 
so much about God, so much about the Father God that he even corrected Bruce on several occasions based on his learned theology. 
But Bruce was sad, because "He had a doctrine on God the Father, but didn't know the Father as a son" 

Jesus wants us to become sons of God, in intimacy with the father.  (John.14:23)  One the most important quotes Bruce gives is “ WITH MY MIND I SEE WHAT I THINK.  WITH MY HEART I SEE WHAT I FEEL” In our mind we can have a perfect picture of who God is,  but not in our heart. We know God is perfect, but in reality, in our subconscious, we  see more of what our earthly father is in God. For example, we say "I believe God loves me" but i feel cold.  we say "I believe God is with me" but i feel afraid. 
That's the struggle we have in our relationship with God. 

I learned that we see God through the distorted lenses that our earthly father’s and mother’s taint, and we gain distorted views of Father God. I look at my father and realize we never talked. He never taught me how to deal with my feelings, show feelings, and we  didn't discuss anything. The language I learned was to suppress my anger, and then explode in rage.  I just listened to my father, and asked no questions, whether i agreed or not, I didn't know how to respond than just doing what he asked.  That’s why i don’t know how to have a relationship with God. I don’t know how to share my feelings with God, or discuss things with God because i never learned that from my distant, stoic father (except anger and rage).
A year and a half ago, in the middle of the night, God woke me up and called on me. God whispered to me “be my humble servant”. Wow that's an amazing happening.  But I didn't know how to respond, I didn't think to respond by asking "what do you mean?" or say "i'm too afraid!" .  I didn't know how to talk to God about it because I didn’t have an interactive  relationship with my own father.  Through my own earthly father, the lie I believed was God is distant, God is disinterested, God is demanding, but the truth is God is a God of GRACE (2COR.12:9) a God of Compassion (Heb.4:14-16  Psalm 103:13) and a God of LOVE ( Psalm.139:1-4). The journey from the Head to the Heart is a life-long journey, but I've gained so much ground in FCM. Through ministry with Bruce, I was able to dispel the lies and forgive my father and mother, and receive the Fatherheart of God. 
We need to choose to believe and declare that I can have an intimate relationship with God. 

How do I do that? I'll share what I've learned in the next few weeks as i prepare to go on outreach. Stay tuned.

Picture : Me and Jungrim after our ministry time with Bruce and Barbara Thompson. (yes we're still a little teary eyed)

To Posterous, Love Metalab